You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
