I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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