A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
