I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
