Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
