Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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