I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
