Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My vagina is officially offended.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
