When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
