I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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