he wants to bone in the snuggie
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
