He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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