Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
