Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
