What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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