Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
