my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
