I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
