The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
