My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
