so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
