he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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