Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
