i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
