his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
