I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
