So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
