Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
