do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
