There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
