I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
