i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
