would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
