HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
