I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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