I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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