I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
