Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
