wanna go halves on a baby?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
