for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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