Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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