ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
