I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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