I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
