We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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