so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
