people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
