sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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