So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
