Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
