i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
